I know I frustrate my students. In the midst of a project or paper or in my position as other side to their argumentative debate, I often answer their questions with questions of my own.
C’mon, just tell me the answer, they sometimes say aloud.
Most of the time, I don’t.
Instead of answers, I try to set them on a path, leaving a breadcrumb trail of academic hints to where they need to go. I try to take them about halfway. Not all the way.
I can’t really say they appreciate my process. It’s likely that they don’t. But on (rare)
occasion, they seem to get what I’m trying to do, even get caught up in the game.
After a particularly vexing exercise, one of my students—having finally arriving at an answer—said she liked when I made her do “this.”
I said: What, think?
A smile, a nod.
Ahh –that’s what this is all about.
I confront them less with my antics when we stray off the curriculum and into the ocean of their lives.
They let me in –in a flood of information. Maybe more than they intend to, maybe more than they should. But once we’re both in the deep end, they often reach for any debris in the water to stay afloat. In that panicked instant, sometimes I’m all they’ve got. Captain of their sinking vessel is not a role I relish, but one I can’t seem to avoid.
And when they feel fully engulfed by a rising tide, near drowning, I certainly don’t play a game of hide-and-seek with the life raft. Still,I try only to throw them a line or hold their head above water as I remind them –they already know how to swim.
My students often forget what they already know. Instead of relying on their own instincts, they ask me questions as if I might have all the answers (ha, if they only knew). While my position at the helm of my own life may allow me to sight obvious obstacles more clearly than they, I’ve hardly got omnipresent access to all the what-ifs of their lives. But I get that what they often need to do is to just talk through the problem at hand.
Sometimes it actually is school-related. How to get a better grade or work with a professor they don’t particularly like or handle a group project when they seem to be the only one in the group doing any work.
More often, it’s life stuff. Social stuff. Boyfriend, girlfriend stuff. Life and death and big question stuff.
Scary stuff –for both of us.
I talk a lot when it’s those big ticket items, but I try to listen even more. Because I don’t have the answers.
But I do have one.
And it’s that if they’re honest and open and willing to dive into that really deep end of their inner waters, it’s they who have the answers. They just need to listen -to themselves.